Nympho Libre (2007)

Rating:

USA. 2007.

Crew

Directors/Producers – Toby Dammit & Johnny Legend, Photography – Bossman & Greg Lewis, Songs – Moosecock Montana, Tijuana Bibles & The Ubangis. Production Company – Legend-Dammit

Cast

Johnny Legend (El Pornografico), Hot Rod, Barrett Moore (El Nympho Sicodelico), Paige Sinclaire, Ginger Paige, Daisy Chain, Lezbo Misterioso, Chrissy Sparks, Ashley Taylor, Cherie, Mark Woods, Ian Daniels, Tony Ribas


Plot

A filmmaker drives about trying to make a documentary about Sex Mex, the strange subculture of people who are sexually fixated on Mexican masked wrestlers. He films several Sex Mex fetishists engaged in sex. He and the wrestler El Pornografico drive about with the Aztec Mummy, who has not had sex for two thousand years, and try to get him laid.


Johnny Legend is an interesting figure of almost cult status. Legend lists various occupations including wrestler, actor, film director, horror fan and rockabilly musician on his cv. He has made minor appearances in various horror films, including the likes of The Adventures of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer (1985), Bride of Re-Animator (1990), Severed Ties (1992), Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995) and 2001 Maniacs (2005). He has also directed several films including My Breakfast with Blassie (1983), a wrestling comedy featuring Andy Kaufman; Mondo Lugosi (1987), a documentary about Bela Lugosi; and the pornographic film Cruising for Sex (1977). Perhaps what Johnny Legend is best known for is as a wrestler where he has pioneered what has become known as Incredibly Strange Wrestling, featuring bizarrely gimmicky wrestling costumes and stunt matches.

With Nympho Libre, Johnny Legend collaborates with director Toby Dammit. Aside from taking a pseudonym that has been borrowed from the title of an Edgar Allan Poe short story, Toby Dammit is a director of pornographic films, which include titles such as Sex Police 2000 (1992), Peekers (1993) and Tales from the Road: Crew Sluts (1996).

As with a great many of Johnny Legend’s wrestling events, there is an off-the-wall sense of humour to the conception of Nympho Libre. A good many pornographic films are construed as parodies of popular films – the infamous Flesh Gordon (1972), Edward Penishands (1991) etc. Clearly, Johnny Legend has come up with the title Nympho Libre as a play on the previous year’s Jack Black comedy Nacho Libre (2006). The basic idea of Nympho Libre is to make a pornographic film that is a parody of Mexican wrestling’s masked lucha libre wrestlers. Lucha libre wrestling has had considerable popularity on film in Mexico, most famously with the series of El Santo films between the 1950s and 1970s, which featured the masked title character as a superhero taking on various classic monsters and alien invaders in the wrestling ring. There were a number of other copycat wrestling superheroes such as Blue Demon, Neutron and Mil Mascaras.

Nympho Libre is a concept that makes you smile for about 30 seconds, at about the same idea as you think the idea of a Mexican wrestler themed pornographic film may well be the lamest concept ever conceived for an adult film. As quickly becomes apparent, Johnny Legend and Toby Dammit clearly lack many clues about what to do with the idea beyond that of putting people through standard porn scenes … but wearing luchadore masks. In the initial scenes, the camera runs around trying to give people the impression that the film is a documentary that is trying to examine the (fictional) Sex Mex phenomenon, although this quickly dissipates the moment we get to the actress engaging in the usual porno acts, which are clearly being filmed by professionals not reality cam, and played out by an actress who is a heck of a lot more seasoned in front of a camera than the mere secretary on a night off she claims to be. Thereafter the film fairly much abandons this mockumentary concept and just serves up serial sex scenes. There is no plot connecting any of these.

The porn scenes are standard for the genre and only a variation on what has gone before – no more, no less. Although, one has to say that the actresses chosen all seem a singularly unattractive bunch. The acting is expectedly poor – the worst of these is the actor billed only as Hot Rod who seems to be someone without much acting skill pretending to play someone who is as thick as a plank.

What is disappointing is that Nympho Libre never plays the lucha libre angle up for anything other than people having sex while wearing masks. Even then, the actors don’t always keep their masks on, while in Mexican wrestling it is regarded as a big no-no or a humiliation for masked wrestlers to be seen without their masks. The one point where the film does do something with this is the scenes with Barrett Moore as a female wrestler who calls herself El Nympho Sicodelico, who looks amazingly foxy naked with her red hair streaming out from beneath a scarlet red mask.

The one truly demented moment is a sex scene involving the Aztec Mummy. The Aztec Mummy was a character who appeared in a series of cheap Mexican films in the 1950s with The Aztec Mummy (1957), The Curse of the Aztec Mummy (1957) and the infamously bad The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy (1958) and Wrestling Women vs the Aztec Mummy (1964). Here we have a scene where one of the chicks (Cherie) gives the Aztec Mummy a blowjob. What makes the scene so out there – other than the sight of a mummy having its pelvic bandages unwrapped so that its member can be mouthed – is the accompanying dialogue (all written and narrated by Johnny Legend). “Prepare to inhale my Satan’s seed, pussy lips … Unravel my mystery meat, you grinning little love taco, you donkey show Delilah … Holy caramba, viva el erecto, el erecto fabuloso … Eat my love meat, you barrio bimbo, you heavenly mouthhole … I sense the intense liquidity of your flaming lava lips, swallowing, gagging, gorging on my immense mummy meat from the depths of holy hell … Eat it, my love lizard. Make the sperm demons of Amen-Ra scream a thousand curses in my red bulb of ecstasy … Your tortured throat is tickling the flesh follicles of my pent-up jizz jalopy … Choke on my chorizo, you chuckling chupacabra bitch … I am a mountain of mummy lust ready to explode on your vulvaic mudsuckers. Pop my piñata, pussy lips … Inhale the sperm of Armageddon. Lick my love salsa, you grinning little jalapeno.” The narration is completely hysterical and gives the film a schlock bizarreness that it otherwise lacks.

(Winner in this site’s Worst Films of 2007 list).


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