Barbie (2023)

Barbie (2023) poster
Rating: ★★
Doll Enters the Real World

Less a film than a phenomenon, there is something ironic about a doll that is accused of promoting negative body standards ending up leading a women’s movement. Moria has just one or two issues with this.

Barbie and the Three Musketeers (2009)

Barbie and the Three Musketeers (2009) poster
Rating:
Animation/Barbie Swashbuckler

Alexandre Dumas’s classic adventure story is turned into an animated vehicle for Barbie with genders reversed and an absurdly upbeat Girls Can Do Anything vibe. Being a kid’s film, the girl Musketeers are no longer allowed to wield swords

Barbie as Rapunzel (2002)

Barbie as Rapunzel (2002) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Barbie Enacts Fairytale

The second of the animated Barbie films, this casts her as the title character in the popular Brothers Grimm fairytale, which has been considerably embellished. This suffers the glassy plasticity of the early Mainframe films

Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper (2004)

Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Barbie Fairytale

Here the Barbie films turn to Mark Twain’s classic (non-fantasy) tale of rags and riches and spins it as a fairytale This has the same blank, plastic style of the early Barbie films and is otherwise bland

Barbie Fairytopia (2004)

Barbie Fairytopia (2004) poster
Rating: ★★½
Animation/Land of Fairies

The previous Barbie animated films had adapted various fairytales but this casts her as a fairy in a magical kingdom – simplistic, but one of the most colourfully animated of Mainframe’s Barbie films

Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow (2007)

Barbie Fairytopia: Magic of the Rainbow (2007) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Land of Fairies

Sequel to the earlier Barbie animated film Barbie Fairytopia. Extremely colourful but essentially a fantasy version of a teenage girl high school drama that quickly slips into pre-packaged formula

Barbie Mermaidia (2006)

Barbie Mermaidia (2006) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Fairy Barbie Visits the Mermaid Kingdom

Seventh of the animated Barbie films, spinoff of the earlier Barbie Fairytopia, all delivered in sugary upbeat sentiments amid pastel colour schemes that would look eye-poppingly psychedelic if one were high

Barbie of Swan Lake (2003)

Barbie of Swan Lake (2003) poster
Rating: ★★½
Animation/Barbie Enacts Fairytale

The third animated film based on the popular girl’s doll Barbie. This places Barbie into Tchaikovsky’s ballet Swan Lake in an okay telling, if one that suffers from the usual limited animation of Mainframe’s early films

Barbie Presents Thumbelina (2009)

Barbie Presents Thumbelina (2009) poster
Rating: ★★½
Animation/Barbie Fairytale

Another animated Barbie film, this appropriate the name of the Hans Christian Andersen’s fairytale and makes it now about a fairy who preaches conservation. As these films go, this is one of the better made and comes with quite a degree of colour

Batman Unlimited: Animal Instincts (2015)

Batman Unlimited: Animal Instincts (2015) poster
Rating: ★★
Comic-Book Superhero/Animation

An animated Batman film that is essentially an extended commercial based on a line of toys wherein Batman fights super-villains that have an animal motif

Battleship (2012)

Battleship (2012) poster
Rating:
US Navy vs Alien Invaders/Boardgame Adaptation

Adaptation of the Battleship boardgame that emerges at best as wannabe Michael Bay. Imagine Pearl Harbor mashed up with a Transformers film and lots of bone-headed glorification of American militarism

Care Bears Movie 2: A New Generation (1986)

Care Bears Movie 2: A New Generation (1986) poster
Rating: ★★★
Animation/Cute Talking Bears

The second of the Care Bears films, light, insubstantial and rather sweet as pre-adolescent creatures of indeterminate gender romp around in their cloud kingdom banishing bad feelings

The Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland (1987)

The Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland (1987) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Cute Talking Bears

The third of the Care Bears film conducts a crossover with Alice in Wonderland, although it is an adaptation that is liberal in its treatment of Lewis Carroll to say the least

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Dungeons and Dragons Honor Among Thieves (2023) poster
Rating: ★★
Sword and Sorcery

A new film based on the role-playing game. The first film several years ago is poorly regarded. This is an attempt to reboot a film series but suffers badly from being handed to two comedy directors and their flip treatment

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012)

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012) poster
Rating: ★★★
Sword and Sorcery

The third film based on the roleplaying game. The previous two films were forgettable but this is surprisingly good, taking a far darker tone than the usual sword-and-sorcery adventure and adding considerable moral complexity

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) poster
Rating: ★★
Futuristic Military Action Team

You can’t complain that this is not exactly what you expect it to be – two hours of cartoonish action during which the brain singularly fails to engage. This is less unapologetic about being a military fantasy than the first film

G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (2009)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (2009) poster
Rating: ★★
Futuristic Military Action Team

Stephen Sommers make a film based on the popular action toy line. Barring one exhilarating sequence in the middle, this consists of lots of sound and CGI fury amounting to very little at all

Jem and the Holograms (2015)

Jem and the Holograms (2015) poster
Rating:
Girl Pop Band/Animation in Live-Action

The original animated series was one of the pop oddities of the 80s – part teen pop fantasy, part superheroics and secret identities. This live-action remake is an object lesson in how to strip all the fun elements out a series

The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

The Lego Batman Movie (2017) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Animation/Lego Universe Superheroes

Following the success of The Lego Movie, where he was a scene-stealing supporting character, Batman gets a whole Lego film to himself. Less a Batman film than it is a parody of Batman

The Lego Movie (2014)

The Lego Movie (2014) poster
Rating: ★★★½
Animation/Adventures in the Lego Universe

How much fun can a film based around Lego characters be? A film that overflows with cleverness, wit and energy. The most fun is in the film’s creating a madcap mix-up of characters from different franchises

The Lego Movie 2 (2019)

The Lego Movie 2 (2019) poster
Rating: ★★★
Animation/Adventures in the Lego Universe

Sequel to The Lego Movie. This time the idea of the Lego universe, the crossovers and fourth-wall breaking gags are not as fresh but this still gets good mileage out of them

The Lego Ninjago Movie (2017)

The Lego Ninjago Movie (2017) poster
Rating: ★★★
Animation/Adventures in the Lego Universe

Third of the animated films based on the Lego toy line. This has the same fast-paced humour and witty fourth-wall breaking gags as its predecessors, even if you suspect the Lego Movie brand is starting to fade

Masters of the Universe (1987)

Masters of the Universe (1987) poster
Rating: ★★
Intergalactic Sword-and-Sorcery

Live-action film based on the Mattel toy line and popular animated tv series. Given a Cannon Films budget, it emerges as a cheesily absurd Flash Gordon/Conan the Barbarian knockoff

Masters of the Universe (2026)

Masters of the Universe (2026) poster
Rating: ★★
Intergalactic Sword-and-Sorcery

A reboot of Masters of the Universe, this fully embraces the mythology of the animated series and gives them great life. But is also a work that is constantly deflating any chance you are taking it seriously

Max Steel (2016)

Max Steel (2016) poster
Rating:
Film Based on Toy Franchise/Superhero Film

An ill-conceived attempt to compete amid the high stakes box-office superheroics enjoyed by Marvel and belatedly DC, this had one of the most disastrous box-office showings of 2016 … Based on a popular line of action toys, this gets nothing right – it’s hard to tell it is meant to be a superhero film for half the show

Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998)

Pokemon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back (1998) poster
Rating:
Animation/Cute Creatures

The first film spun off from the popular Pokemon phenomenon and animated series, this is largely incomprehensible to anyone who is not familiar with the series

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985)

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985) poster
Rating:
Animation/Magic Horse Saves the Universe

Slight but colourful animated film for the very young based on the popular series of Hallmark cards and Mattel toys about a magical horse

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) poster
Rating: ★★
Live-Action Transformer Robots

Are there any new creative directions that Michael Bay feels he he has to explore for a fourth Transformers film? All the Transformers beating the crap out of each other and copious mass destruction has become hard to tell one of the films from each other

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) poster
Rating: ★★
Live-Action Transformer Robots

The third of Michael Bay’s Transformers films. While the human scenes opt for a ghastly miscalculated sense of humour, the effects houses are at the peak of their game, even if Bay allows them to drag the mass destruction out to a numbing excess

Transformers One (2024)

Transformers One (2024) poster
Rating: ★★
Transformers Origin Story/Animation

Since Michael Bay retired from the series, The Transformers films have been looking for new directions. This ventures into animation to tell a Transformers origin story

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) poster
Rating: ★★
Live-Action Transformer Robots

The first of Michael Bay’s Transformers sequels has even better effects and more copious mass destruction to the point it washes over you without any effect

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) poster
Rating: ★½
Live-Action Transformer Robots

The fifth of Michael Bay’s Transformers films. This comes with more of an outright comedy focus than any of the other films where Bay seems to be second-guessing his critics and spoofing his own peccadilloes in quote marks, only to produce the silliest entry in the series yet

The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

The Transformers: The Movie (1986) poster
Rating:
Transformer Robot Wars/Animation

Animated theatrically released spinoff from the original Transformers tv series. The film mostly serves to highlight the considerable number of characters where to the uninitiated it is frequently difficult to tell one side from the next.

Trolls (2016)

Trolls (2016) poster
Rating:
Animation/Small Cute Creatures

A perfect example of all the things I hate about modern animation. Based around the popular Troll dolls, this is vapidly designed, content-free product based solely around simplistic storylines, manic slapstick sequences, song and dance numbers, and inane contemporary pop culture in-jokes

Ultramarines (2010)

Ultramarines (2010) poster
Rating: ★★
Animation/Wargame Adaptation/Space Marines vs Demonic Forces

Animated film based on the popular fantasy wargame. The set-up is a fascinating mix of SF and mediaeval religion but the plot rehashes Aliens without much payoff and the animation is B-budget