1313: Cougar Cult (2012)
Another of David DeCoteau’s bizarre homoerotic horror films featuring a trio of former 80s Scream Queens who are were-cougars
17 Again (2009)
Ageswap fantasy in which middle-aged Matthew Perry is rejuvenated as a teenage Zac Efron. A glib fantasy that seems made by abstinence campaigners
500 MPH Storm (2013)
Another cheap Syfy Channel disaster movie about a superstorm created by an amok weather control experiment. The shoddy CGI effects and cliched pieces of canned drama fly thick – but this is even shoddier and cheaper than usual
Adventures of a Teenage Dragonslayer (2010)
A children’s fantasy adventure that never strays beyond the environs of an American high school and comes with the lowbrow slapstick, excruciating comic caricatures and incredibly bad effects
The Adventures of Hercules (1985)
Sequel to the bad movie classic of Cannon Films’ Hercules starring Lou Ferrigno and only a marginally less terrible film that its predecessor
The Alchemist (1983)
One of the earliest films from Charles Band. In the years following, Band went onto produce and occasionally direct a great many often enterprisingly cheap low-budget genre films – this is not one of them
Aliens Vs. Avatars (2011)
This seems amusingly construed as a mash-up between two of James Cameron’s most famous titles … what we get is a painfully cheap film about people being pursued through the woods by an alien creature
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986)
This is a sequel to Cannon Films’ excruciating camp version of King Solomon’s Mines. Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone are back. This is a marginal improvement but far from a good film
Alp (2016)
Another venture into the sleep paralysis theme. A film that has an amateurism on every level and looks as though it made by people who failed the first year of a film school program
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011)
It may say how doomed the Western world is that people have paid to watch three films so far all centred around these annoyingly cutsie helium-voiced chipmunks. This is marginally less annoying that the preceding two
The Amityville Curse (1989)
This is not even a sequel The Amityville Horror but a cheaply and tattily made Canadian effort seeking to sell itself using the name. The first in an industry of films employing some relevance to Amityville
Android Insurrection (2012)
A painfully cheap film that feels like an amateur effort that was accidentally given a dvd release. Essentially Resident Evil but with killer robots instead of zombies, this shouts its impoverishment from every scene
Atomica (2017)
While the title suggests some lost 1950s atomic monster film, this is a rather dull film that concerns mysterious happenings at a near future nuclear waste reprocessing plant
August in the Water (1995)
Baffling and incomprehensible Japanese SF film about a catastrophe that is causing people to turn to stone
Avengers Grimm (2015)
The Asylum’s response to Avengers: Age of Ultron. Not having their own superheroes, they have ingeniously created an adventure involving various fairytale princesses – a great idea that befalls miserable execution
Bare Wench Project 2: Scared Topless (2000)
The Bare Wench Project was an inane softcore parody of The Blair Witch Project. This is the first of four sequels in which another troupe of girls go wandering in the woods while finding almost any opportunity to take their clothes off
Ben (1972)
Sequel to the hit killer rat film Willard, which brings back the scene-stealing bad rat but kills the film off by pairing him with a nauseatingly cute kid
Beyond the Door (1974)
A blatant Italian copy of The Exorcist. An exploitation film made with almost zero directorial style that only has the schlock amusements of its attempts to outdo The Exorcist going for it
Billion Dollar Threat (1979)
A TV movie that was released theatrically outside the US with Dale Robinette as a James Bond copycat
The Black Dahlia Haunting (2012)
For the stew of elements this throws together – a famous unsolved murder case, ghosts, a blind psychic killer, possession, a sinister psychiatrist – it is surprising how dull the film that emerges is
The Blood Beast Terror (1968)
Possibly the most ridiculous film produced during the Anglo-horror cycle in which scientist Robert Flemyng turns daughter Wanda Ventham into a giant vampiric Deathshead moth
Blood Run (1994)
This blatantly copies the plot of Basic Instinct with detective David Bradley being seduced by bisexual blonde Anna Thomson who is also the suspect in a murder investigation
Bloodmoon (1990)
Belated Australian entry in the slasher genre about killings at a Catholic girls’ school, this is shabby on all counts
The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (1973)
This comes with a cutely amusing title – about a boy who witnesses his father becoming a werewolf but nobody will believe him – but only emerges as a cheap and shabby B movie
The Bulldog Breed (1960)
In the 1960s, a number of popular comics made films about the Space Race. This was a vehicle for Norman Wisdom, a minor British comic of the era, and has him enrolled in the Navy and launched into orbit
Cavegirl (1985)
Witless and inane comedy in which nerdy high school student Daniel Roebuck is thrown back in time to the Stone Age where he romances cavegirl Cindy Ann Thompson
City of Pirates (1983)
Surrealist film from Raul Ruiz that proves a tedious, drawn-out ramble through disconnected images and non-sequiturs
The Coming (1981)
1950s B movie director Bert I Gordon makes a film in which present-day schoolgirl Susan Swift is possessed by her ancestor who was burned at the stake as a witch
Contracted: Phase II (2015)
Contracted was a modestly effective film that depicted its heroine’s progressive meltdown due to a deadly infection. This is a sequel so sub-par you doubt it would even been released without connection to the first film
The Corpse Grinders (1971)
Key film from cult exploitation director Ted V. Mikels. The film’s premise – “pet food company uses bodies from the graveyard as their cat food, making the cats hungry for human flesh” – seems the essence of the grindhouse film
The Creature Wasn’t Nice (1981)
A not very funny science-fiction spoof that has been intended in the vein of Airplane/Flying High but sending up Alien – one where the creature also gets to sing.
Creepshow III (2006)
A third entry in the Creepshow series but made without the involvement of George Romero (or Stephen King). This tries to give more of the same but is abysmally made on all counts
A Deadly Legend (2020)
A really bad low-budget film jumping aboard the Folk Horror bandwagon where construction work at a summer camp stirs druidic rituals from the past
Deceit (1989)
Albert Pyun film that takes place entirely in a warehouse where a woman is taken prisoner by a man who may or may not be an alien. As with much of Pyun’s output from this period, cheap and eventually incoherent.
Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018)
For some reason, nineteen years years later, someone has decided to produce a sequel to Renny Harlin’s unintentionally funny killer shark film only to give it a pitiful budget that causes it to sink well into bad movie stakes
Deep Rescue (2005)
This has an interesting premise of a returning space shuttle that crashes and sinks at sea and the attempts to rescue it. Alas, this has the misfortune of being produced on a minuscule budget and with pitiful effects
Demon Tongue (2016)
I hoped this might have taken the (pardon me) more tongue-in-cheek approach of featuring a demonically possessed tongue but more mundanely uses tongue as meaning language. In reality, all we have is a poorly made film about a team of ghostbusters searching a haunted bar
Diabolique (1996)
Les Diaboliques is one of the great all-time thrillers. This remake, designed to highlight a post-Basic Instinct Sharon Stone, is an abortion that rewrites the classic twist ending for something upbeat
Disaster Movie (2008)
The movie parodies of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, which consist of crude, witless gags run over replication of scenes from films of the last twelve months, are painfully unfunny. This doesn’t even spoof the disaster movie
Dracula Blows His Cool (1979)
Excruciating West German-made vampire sex comedy (that doesn’t feature Count Dracula despite the title). Painful and agonisingly unfunny comedy routines directed by someone who has no idea how to set them up
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1970)
This was one several different films with the same title that came out around the same time, all of which were terrible. This painful effort comes from Spanish horror star Paul Naschy who plays his signature role of the wolfman Waldemar Daninksy
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)
One of the great title matches of all-time and a surprise that Universal never thought to do it. In the hands of Z-budget director Al Adamson it is a wasted opportunity nd Zandor Vorkov the worst screen Dracula ever
Dragonball: Evolution (2009)
Disastrous and miscalculated live-action Hollywood version of the anime series. which turns the characters into just regular teenagers. Nobody involved seems to be making any effort.
Dreamtrips (1999)
A Virtual Reality film that came out the same year as The Matrix and prefigures the dreamscape themes of Inception. Despite the possibilities, this has a dreary pace that very nearly approaches falling asleep
Eegah (1962)
Z movie classic with Richard Kiel as a revived caveman facing hot rodding teenagers. Much bad movie hilarity and hilarious dialogue ensues, plus a rock’n’roll soundtrack
End of the World (1977)
A thorough embarrassment on Christopher Lee’s resume – an early Charles Band film in which Lee is a stranded alien inhabiting the cloned body of priest in a convent of nuns
Eve of Destruction (2013)
An impoverished sf disaster mini-series about a dark matter experiment going amok that manages to tediously drag out four hours of soap opera dramatics and control room doubletalk
Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell! (1992)
This was a Troma release during the period where they made a point of selling films with outrageous attention-getting titles. One only wishes there was a film on show worthy of such
Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)
One among a sub-genre of 1950s outer space sex fantasies where astronauts encounter all-women planets and sort them out with some good lovin’, Cat Women of the Moon is held as the Z movie of this genre but this is an even cheaper
The Fog (2005)
One of the worst among the 00s fad for remakes of 70s/80s horror films. John Carpenter’s 1980 original has been transformed into a teen horror film where the spookiness collapses into frequently ridiculous shock effects
Fortress (1993)
Stuart Gordon, a cult director on the basis of Re-Animator, ventures into making an SF action film set in a futuristic prison. The film has a bone-headed script that feels like it is only rehashing cliches from every SF film
Fright Night 2 (2013)
Supposedly a sequel to the 2011 Fright Night remake but more a loose reworking of the original. This conducts some novel variations such as making Jerry Dandridge into a woman, but is also one of the worst directed horror films in some time
The Frog Prince (1987)
This is another in the series of the cheap fairytales made by Cannon Films with Aileen Quinn from Annie as an obnoxious princess who befriends a taking frog
The Galaxy Destroyer (1986)
An ultra low-budget film about a man on a space journey returning to Earth to find it invaded by aliens. This tries to do Mad Max and Star Wars on the budget of about $1.99
Ghost Writer (1989)
Light fantasy comedy with Audrey Landers as a writer who befriends the ghost of a starlet played by real-life sister Judy Landers
Ghostriders (1987)
An obscure and drearily made film about avenging ghosts of a gang of western outlaws
Ghoulies (1985)
A copy of Gremlins produced by Charles Band’s Empire, featuring much slime and cheap-looking creatures. A surprise hit on video shelves; three sequels followed.
Gordy (1995)
Cheaply made ripoff of Babe about a boy who befriends a talking pig
Granny of the Dead (2017)
A British-made effort that offers the amusing idea of zombified geriatrics on their walking frames. However, the actual film lacks any tongue-in-cheek approach and emerges as excruciating on all counts
Grizzly (1976)
A surprise hit when it came out, this is a blatant copy of Jaws, substituting a killer grizzly bear on the rampage in a national park for a shark. Not a very well made film.
The Gruesome Twosome (1967)
One of the splatter films from the cult figure of Herschell Gordon Lewis. this concerns a wigmaker who lures victims, scalps them and sells their hair as wigs.
Hellgate (1989)
Frequently ridiculous low-budget horror film set in a Western recreation town where the owner has resurrected his daughter from the dead
Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
Seventh and worst of the Hellraiser films. Clive Barker had departed three films ago and the copyright taken by a company that specialises in cheap sequels. This blurs reality and illusion so much it makes no sense
Hero (1980)
Adaptation of the Finn Mac Coll legend, filmed in Gaelic with a cast that learned their lines by rote. An interesting idea that suffers a painful amateurism
The Hidden II (1994)
The Hidden was a wittily enjoyable hit about body-hopping aliens. This is a cheap sequel that substantially reuses material from the first film, while missing everything that made the original work
Hillside Cannibals (2006)
One of the earliest mockbusters from The Asylum about a degenerate in-bred family of cannibals that live in a cave. This was made to come out the same time as the remake of The Hills Have Eyes
Hollow Man II (2006)
Sequel to the invisible man film Hollow Man. This one has been so cheaply made that it even recycles its effects from the first film
Hologram Man (1995)
SF/action film with a ludicrous premise with a future prison where criminals are turned into holograms with one lone cop facing an escaped inmate in a hologram body
Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970)
Film from Z-budget filmmaker Al Adamson. Most of this is reissued from a Filipino caveman film, along with a handful of filler scenes that seems slung together from odds of Adamson’s other half-finished films
House of Evil (1971)
One of four miserably cheap Mexican films that were the last works an 81 year old Boris Karloff ever appeared in. Here he presides over relatives gathered for the reading of his will as they are killed by malevolent toys
Human Timebomb (1994)
A mindless action film made for video as a copy of Universal Soldier as FBI agent Bryan Genesse comes up against programmed soldiers
The Hunters (2013)
The premise of a group of adventurers seeking artifacts from fairytales has mild possibilities but is given zero conviction by anybody involved. A sub-Indiana Jones adventure that was made as a tv pilot
I ♥ Robots (2024)
Amateur-looking film set after the robot apocalypse that at least boasts some well-integrated robot effects
Identified Flying Object (1985)
Low-budget director Ulli Lommel makes a film about a teen who befriends an artificially intelligent rogue military helicopter
In the Name of the King 3 (2014)
I been defending the reputation of Uwe Boll (somewhat) through his last few films but this is an effort that feels as though nobody cared about what they were making. You’d have to go back to the Italian sword-and-sorcery films of the 1980s to find a more shoddy work of epic fantasy
Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)
An authentic example of 1970s exploitation cinema – a regional film made with next-to-no budget, a no-name cast and with all emphasis on the luridly sensationalistic. A crappy, badly made film that vaguely rambles through a plot that makes little sense
Isle of the Snake People (1971)
One of four cheap Mexican films made by Boris Karloff just before his death. Here Karloff plays a Caribbean plantation owner obsessed with voodoo rituals
It Came from Outer Space II (1995)
Dreary cable-made sequel (in actuality a remake) of the 1950s SF classic It Came from Outer Space
Jaws 3-D (1983)
The second sequel to the hit killer shark film. The gimmick placed on this one is the early 80s 3D revival fad but this has the effect of reducing Steven Spielberg’s masterful suspense to a series of novelty pop-up shocks
Jaws of Satan (1981)
The title seems to have been slung together as a mash-up of competing 70s fads – trying to jump aboard the success of Jaws and the fad for occult films after The Exorcist. Ridiculous and badly made on all levels, none more so than the climax with a giant snake conducting a devil worship ceremony
Journey to the Center of Time (1967)
Cheaply made film (actually a remake of The Time Travelers) about a research laboratory propelled through time. Most of the historical scenes are represented by stock footage
Just My Luck (2006)
Infuriatingly insipid Lindsay Lohan romcom in which she has good luck and Chris Pine has bad luck and they swap after a kiss. Lohan, a promising actress whose career was a bad tabloid headline at that point, seems to regard the painfully unfunny proceedings as an exercise in her adulation
King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (2017)
NOT the Guy Ritchie film but an Asylum mockbuster released at the same time. Perhaps the most WTF take on the Arthurian legends ever with the Knights as gun-wielding US Marines in present-day Bangkok and Morgan le Fay turning into a giant transformer robot
Kong Island (1968)
This has nothing to do with King Kong and is an adventure film that features a female Tarzan and a mad scientist creating an army of mind-controlled gorillas
The Lamp (1987)
Justifiably obscure work of 1980s horror that involves a group of teens deciding to party in a museum and being slaughtered in a variety of increasingly ridiculous ways after an antique lamp is opened. These days 80s horror is celebrated for its cheesy amusement value but this doesn’t even rise to that level
Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
The Lawnmower Man was far from a classic but this sequel has a computer-illiterate absurdity that pushes it into extremely bad movie stakes
Left Behind: World at War (2005)
The third of the Left Behind films with Kirk Cameron facing the Biblical End of the World and the Antichrist. This travels well down into bad movie territory
Let’s Be Evil (2016)
While the title suggests a series of malicious games, this is an SF film about a group of people who participate in an augmented reality experiment where they are locked in a facility with strangely alien children
The Loch Ness Horror (1982)
Z-budget filmmaker Larry Buchanan makes a Loch Ness Monster film that is so painfully cheap it never travels beyond California state
Lurkers (1987)
Painfully dull and uneventful film where almost nothing happens – and even when it does, there seems no clear reason why it is happening. The film is almost redeemed by an effective twist ending ripped off from The Sentinel
Malediction (1990)
Bert I. Gordon film with Robert Forster searching for a missing girl before finding she was dealing with the occult
The Mangler 2 (2001)
Canada/USA. 2001. Crew Director/Screenplay – Michael Hamilton-Wright, Producer – Glen Tedham, Photography – Norbert Kaluza, Music – Ferocious Le Fonque, Special Effects Supervisor – Rory Cutler, Makeup Design – Ingrid Bauer, Production Design – Matthew Budgeon. Production Company – Barnholtz Entertainment/Banana Brothers Entertainment/Mangler Productions Inc. Cast Chelse Swain (Joanne Newton), Will Sanderson (Dan Channa), Daniella […]
The Mark of Cain (1985)
An obscure Canadian-made thriller about an evil twin
Martians Go Home (1990)
Majorly unfunny film about the arrival of aliens that do bad stand-up comedy and tell people’s embarrassing secrets
Maxie (1985)
Light fantasy comedy where Glenn Close plays a housewife who is possessed by the ghost of Maxie, a Hollywood starlet who is determined to revive her career
Meet the Spartans (2008)
The painfully unfunny films of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are movie parodies, mostly a random assortment of films and celebrities of the last six months run over with crude and vulgar jokes. In this case, they take on parodying principally 300
Megaville (1990)
Little-known SF film with Billy Zane in a dystopian future involving Virtual Reality tech and implanted memories. Like Total Recall rewritten as an episode of Miami Vice
Ms Cannibal Holocaust (2012)
An early film from Ron Bonk misleadingly sold with connection to the notorious Italian cannibal film, concerning the tenants of an apartment building under siege by a mysterious cult
Murder-Set-Pieces (2004)
A psycho film about a serial killing photographer that stalks Las Vegas, this collapses under its determination to be edgy
The Mutations (1974)
Rather tedious throwback to the 1940s mad scientist film in which Donald Pleasence is turning people into plant mutations and pawning his mistakes off to the circus